Microsoft China

REDMOND, WA - Microsoft concluded negotiations today to acquire the People's Republic of China, sources close to CEO Bill Gates revealed. The deal, valued in the billions, will cede control of the most populous nation in the world to the Gengis Kahn of the computer world.

The newly formed corporate state will be known as Microsoft China, and will include the newly merged city of Hong Kong. "We see this acquisition as being very positive for Microsoft" a spokesman stated this morning at a dim sum breakfast for the media. "Not only do we aquire a vast workforce to manufacture our products world-wide. Thanks to years of conditioning by the Central Committee, we can also tell them as consumers what to buy!"

The Central Committee will receive shares of Microsoft common stock, and be relocated to the Microsoft People's Recreational Camp located outside Henderson, Nevada. Microsoft will assume control of the Chinese bureaucracy. Rumours of Bill Gates elevating his title to "Emperor," however, are merely speculative at this point.

To make the transition easier for the Chinese people, Microsoft Word is being used to revise traditional Chinese Communist texts. The Replace command is sweeping away references to the party with "Microsoft", and references to Chairman Mao Tse Tung are being exchanged for praises of Chairman Bill Gates.

In a possibly unrelated move, Microsoft also announced its intention to acquire all of the Chinese take-out restaurants in the United States, the European Union, and portions of Brazil.