20 Things That Would be Different if Microsoft Started Building Cars
- A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year - instead of before it.
- Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
- Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you'd have
to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this.
- Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop
and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some
strange reason, you'd just accept this, too.
- But that wouldn't work, you'd have to take the engine out, do nothing to it, then put it back in.
- You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you
bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more
- Sun Motor Systems would make a car that was powered by the sun,
twice as reliable, and five times as fast - but it would only run on
five percent of the roads.
- The oil, engine, fuel and alternator warning lights would be
replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
- People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft
cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars
for many years.
- We'd all have to switch to Microsoft fuel.
- The U.S. government would be getting subsidies from an auto maker
instead of giving them.
- New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
- The air bag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
- The steering wheel would be replaced with a mouse and you'd need
to memorize the keyboard short-cut for "brake".
- For some reason the engine controller would need a 1G hard disk
and would take 5 minutes to boot up.
- They wouldn't build their own engines but form a cartel with
their engine supplier. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders,
multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve
design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it. There would be an
"Engine Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most
- Your car would refuse to start with a message "Abort, Retry, Fail or Cancel?"
- You would have to have a full service every 500 miles.
- The speedo would read 70 even though you are only doing 50.
- They would make a flashy convertible model, where if you raised
the top the engine would overheat.
- The entire engine wouldn't be in the bay at once, and the car
would have to keep stopping and starting to load in the relevant
- Everytime you carried a new passenger you would have to alter the
cars configuration settings. When the passenger alights these
configurations would remain in place.