About the word "Fuck"Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck".
Besides its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:
It can be used as an anatomical description - "He's a fucking asshole."
It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:
The mind fairly boggles at the many creative uses of the word. How can anyone be offended when you say fuck? Use it frequently in your daily speech; it will add to your prestige.
Today, say to some one... FUCK YOU!
A nice wav file, fword.wav (1176k) says basically the same things listed above, set to a background of Vivaldi. The voice is that of the late Jack Wagner, the former 'voice of Disneyland'.
Avoid Foul Language!
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with other employees. Due to complaints received from some employees who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
None of less we do realize the critical importance of individuals being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with fellow employees. Therefore, a list of code phrase replacements has been compiled so proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive co-workers.
"Exon me!", she cried, as I licked her hot wet Gorton.Yucks Volume 5 : Issue 19
Date: Mon, 26 Jun 1995 08:05:03 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: "Exon me!", she cried, as I licked her hot wet Gorton.
Forwarded-by: Steve Simmons <email@example.com>
Forwarded-by: firstname.lastname@example.org ("Price, Becca")
An Extremely Immodest Proposal.
[Note: Free distribution and editing of this text is encouraged, provided no person attempts to claim copyright]
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." - The Constitution of the United States
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for a people to ridicule the political authorities which have governed their society, and to assume among the other adults of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should do so in as effective and humorous a fashion as possible.
The Communications Decency Act of 1995 (as yet unpassed by the House) attempts to limit any electronic communication which is obscene, lewd or lascivious. Reportedly initiated out of a desire to prevent graphic pornography from polluting the tender minds of youth, this Act potentially renders any US citizen electronically using "filthy" language liable to up to $100,000 and/or two years in jail.
We can but concede to the wisdom of the Senators involved in sponsoring, since it is obvious that they know better than the users of the Internet what is and is not acceptable language. The reduction of electronic communication to a level acceptable in a nursery playground must be hailed as a giant step forward, and protests about First Amendment rights must go unheard in the wave of righteous anger at the thought that minors allowed free access to the Net may hear certain words.
Yet, we find ourselves in a dilemma. The words banned by this Act are useful, in that they convey a wealth of information and meaning which would be sorely missed in electronic communication. Passionate email flirtations would be greatly cooled by the inability to be specific, and a prohibition on expressing their fevered rantings will ensure the more juvenile Usenetters develop ulcers well before their time.
Moreover, simple substitution cannot be acceptable. When it is obvious from context what word a cipher stands for, that cipher is endowed with the same meaning and implications as the original word. In the absence of any compelling reason to keep the substitute in the public sphere, the good Senators attempting to help us will surely consider these substitutes equally obscene.
Thus, in the spirit of Robert Anson Wilson, we suggest that substitute words be found which convey these necessary meanings, and yet which those politicians working tirelessly to protect the public good cannot consider obscene. Happily, such words exist.
In the event of the Communications Decency Act being passed, we urge all people wishing to use electronic communications, but forced to limit their language and thus risk confusion, to consider using the following list of substitute words, which we feel the Senators involved will be reluctant to ban or censor:
Byrd: noun: The posterior or hinder parts, specifically the anus.
An example of this usage might be as follows: "Exon me!", she cried, as I licked her hot wet Gorton. She writhed under my teasing tongue as her Gramm washed over her, her juices pouring out. I moved up to suck and nibble her Heflins, only to have her clutch my Byrd, and drive my aching Helms into her waiting Gorton. "Coats!", she said, "We're being quoted in a political text!"
In closing, we'd like to thank Senators Exon and Gorton for their sterling work in attempting to clean up the Internet. We hope that this immodest proposal will let them know just how much we appreciate it, and that they should rest assured that we will do our part in making sure their names are never forgotten.
[For some reason this reminded me of an odd greeting card message from many years ago: "Mrs. Gorton's Fish Sticks. Does yours?" Maybe it's time for my medication again.... --spaf]
How to say: "Oh my god! There's an axe in my head!"How to say "Oh my god! There's an axe in my head" in various languages:
I didn't write these. I found them on all the Net. If you know the original author, please get in touch so I can give them credit.
Greg Hankins, email@example.com
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